Dear Children From Good Families...

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... don't ask your friend who comes from a bad family, who has issues, to stay positive. No, no, don't say "try and stay positive" either. When someone from a bad family rants to you about something, the appropriate responses are:

1. Bro that sucks, you want me to stab them for you?
2. Let's get some food and cuss them out of existence.
3. Yo, you want me to do your math homework for you? You can take a nap while I do it.

Nothing less. Nothing more.

Why? You might ask. Why should I not ask them to stay positive? Life is yin and yang, good and bad, bad within the good, good within the bad. 

Yeah, but when life is more yang than yin, your friend might shove your positivity where the sun don't shine and get mad at you. They want their thoughts to be vacationing in Mauritius, when in reality, their thoughts are about to jump into an active volcano in Java, Indonesia. 

They might not say it to your face, or show it, but inside, they're like "Oh God, it's useless to tell them anything." Because they don't need positivity. They have probably lived through enough of life to know that's it's good and bad, all together. And it's not possible to stay positive when in a pie chart of negativity/positivity, positivity is like that thin strip which says "actually studying" in a pie chart related to doing homework.

All they need is your company and your support. If they chose to confide in you, it means that they trust you to be there for them. Be there for them. They don't need positivity, they need a friend who can hold their hand.

Unless they're touch sensitive, which takes me to:

Don't hug someone without their permission, no matter how good of a friend they are. Especially if it's stated that they're touch sensitive beforehand, and if they're going through tons of shit.

Hugs are the best. I love hugs. Giving them and recieving them is like physically letting go of your problems and feeling happier and lighter because of all the dopamine flowing in your brain. 

But, but.

When someone is touch sensitive, it means that they don't want to be touched. Not just romantically or sexually, but also platonically. No hugs, cuddles or sometimes even handshakes. So, instead of dopamine, there will be fear and anxiety and paranoia and panic flowing through their mind, probably triggering some bad memory or thought, if you touch a touch sensitive person without their permission.

Everyone is different. Ask them how you can help. It might be something as simple as listening to their woes as they rant or maybe burning some bad things. Maybe they will ask you for advice. Don't give them advice if you're not sure it will help. Be there for them, just sit there beside them if you don't know what to do, and they don't know what they want for you to do. Just be there. That's everything that someone needs at times- someone to sit with and sigh and cry.

Their family doesn't provide the security that you provide. That's why they came to you.

What is the definition of a good family? It varies from person to person, depending on the types of experiences they have had from their family.

For me, it means that unless your parents have hit you, degraded you, chipped away your self esteem, given you issues with trust, anxiety, paranoia and approval, lied to your friends in front of you just to make you seem bad, you come from a good family.

I know you're just trying to help. But you have to let them tell you how you can help. Don't assume that your lectures about positivity and warm bear hugs always help. Ask them. Talk to them. 

Sometimes, all they might need is an ear to listen to.

But if it's out of your degree of function to help them, for the love of God, call a suicide hotline.

Google is your best friend when you're looking for one that functions in your locality/country/region.

Here, be a good friend and have a cookie:

Maybe give one to your friend. Drink some water, eat some food, take a nap. Make your friends do all these things too. Existing is hard, but when it becomes fun, that's living.

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