Dear Children From Good Families...

... don't tell your friend to forgive their family who hurts them.

Look, I understand that your bond with your family is so good, that you'll forgive them for anything. Stealing your chocolates, ruining your watercolors and clothes, not supporting your choices, no matter what happens, they're your family, and you're theirs. 

That doesn't mean you're not right to be mad at them. You are. You're human, and you know that so are they, so you forgive their mistakes. You stay mad at them or you forgive them. That's your decision.

But disapproval and non-supportive behaviour is very different from verbal and physical abuse that scars and damages a person's life and every experience and relationship they ever have, forever. Hitting someone or calling them useless and worthless is very different from cutting the clothes and hair off of your sibling's Barbie doll. 

The damage that one of those things causes can be repaired, or the doll can be replaced. But you can't replace a mind which is full of insecurity, trust, body image and self esteem issues, issues with self hatred and pessimism. 

Don't tell your friend to "let it go" because they shouldn't. First off, they're probably not Elsa. And if their family members have been known to frequently abuse them in some form, they shouldn't let it go; they should work on self preservation until they can get out of that house. Turn eighteen. 

Why? You might ask. Why must they not forgive them? And what the Hades does one even do in self preservation?

They shouldn't forgive them and they should work on self preservation because the longer they keep on hearing those words, the more they might believe them, and the more will it affect them deeply forever. "Daddy issues" isn't just a trope used in books. It's a real thing that can affect someone when their parent abandons them or mistreats them. Trust issues, immaturity, refusal to accept reality, the portrayal of Jacob Peralta is very accurate.

The more they might believe it, the more they will go deeper into the spiral of self hate, and the more they are at the risk of getting tired of existence when they're such a burden to everyone around them.

If you don't get what I'm saying, it means that they'll become very suicidal, very soon. And how do I know this? Well, it's because I've experienced it.

Existence is super hard when you're a kid who has nothing to do in life and your parents seem to only like you when you hand them the report card or finish a chore. 

You might lose your friend if they keep on forgiving their abuser, because forgiving means that they care about them, like you care about your family, which means that they value their opinion, which means that they're probably truly a burden...and so the cycle continues.

How can you help them, then?

You can't. Not really. All you can do is be there for them. Because there aren't any laws regarding emancipation when the child has not-so-obviously abusive parents (that I am aware of, if there are, comment them below), and unless they're out of that house, being in their mind is going to be a living nightmare.

If you are the person who is a minor being abused, what you can do is ask your nice, outside family members for help. If that is not possible, all you can do is self preserve. Slowly back out from the relationships with your abusers. Don't jump at once when Mother calls you. Don't immediately hand him the ringing phone when Father asks you to. Don't immediately rub her feet when Grandmother asks you to. The first few beatings and insults are worth the loss of future pain. 

Put your attention into different things. For example, I read as a way of not living in my mind and losing my life and living someone else's. It really helps. I also write, and my first book is all about a girl who escapes her abusive home and makes a name for herself (it's on my Wattpad, link is in the sidebar of this site). You cannot yell "wish fulfilment" loud enough for that one. You can join clubs, make some friends, try to take part in sports and other school activities, just fill up your schedule enough so that you have to be at your hellhole of a house for only around ten hours a day.

Corona ruined all that, but eh. You can still read. I'll give you book recommendations in the next post, both Wattpad and published.

Just remember- don't forgive, don't forget. Even if they've only hit you once, because I know that that one hit was enough to make you startle when someone patted your shoulder for a while. 

Even if they've only called you a useless fat blob once, because I know you've given up eating all your favourite chocolates and yummy things like pizza and potatoes ever since they said that. 

Even if they've disrespected your wishes and hugged you when you said you didn't want to be touched, only once. Because I can't even imagine what you must be feeling at that moment. 

You are not stupid or dumb, everyone has different intellects. Everyone has their own talents, even if academics might not be yours.

You are not lazy when you want to take some rest between chores. You're a human with limited energy.

You are not fat and useless. Although, if your weight doesn't mesh with your height and BMI, you should work on that. Obesity can lead to various health issues. But that doesn't mean that your family can't be PC, like I was right now, while they tell you this.

You are not ungrateful if you don't want to be touched. It's your body, and it's up to you who touches it, and when.

You are a wonderful person who's wishes and wants are just as important as anyone else's. 

You. Are. Wonderful.